Weird.

I always spell weird wrong, its weird because it’s just such a simple word but I get it wrong almost every time. I spell this word all the time, you’d think I’d be used to it by now but nope of course not. Why is it that something we are so familiar with chokes us up and we end up messing up? I have never been one for ranting on the internet, so I’m not going to get personal like ever but here’s the deal life is really weird. We are just thrown in these situations where we are expected to know how to behave, then we have like a brain spasm and take a disastrous course of action that makes you question your whole existence. Things that make you think why did I do that? I never do that  Well I did something like that not too long ago and I can’t stop thinking about it. Again no juicy details, sorry. But come on we all do it. We all mess up and do things that are alien to us. What makes this a big deal though is the fact that what happened never stops replaying in our head and for me it’s so annoying that I can’t make it go away, mostly because it is not who i am. So what higher power possessed me into doing something I don’t stand for? The only thing I could think of is that when you suppress your feelings your body just puts you on autopilot because you don’t know how to feel. Now bare with me this isn’t a sob story but sometimes you suppress feelings without even knowing because you got so damn good at it. Then before you know it you do something you wish you hadn’t then you wake up. Life is weird, it’s almost like we wonder why these stupid little things we do happen, but it’s just so you don’t lose hold of who you are. Anyone that can acknowledge that after the fact has potential for growth. Let moments like that allow you to rediscover yourself and not let what you did get to you. Kudos to you for realizing you messed up now stop feeling sorry for yourself and don’t do it again because you know better now. Take whatever it is you did that made you question your being and let it guide you out of this grey area you’ve created for yourself and allow it to lead you towards the light. I am still in that grey area, but its a lighter shade than it was before and that’s for sure.

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